The Joshua Yoder Blog

 These last few days have kind of been a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions right now and I am letting some stuff get to me again. A lot of this has to do with some of the stuff I am writing about in my blog because in one of my previous ones that I have written. I made promise to myself that I will not be afraid of some of the stuff that I want to talk/write about. I promise I am working on those blogs as we speak, the problem however is the simple fact that I started to let those voices in my head telling me that I shouldn't do it, people are going to hate me, etc. I think that it is pretty obvious that I am socially awkward. And recently my mind and body sort of gave out on me and I have been trying to relax these couple of days. I am feeling better now for anyone who is concerned.  The problem I am currently having is that I would love to be able to express a lot of things, but as I mentioned earlier, I fear that people are going to hate me and I don't want people to hate ...

 One of my favorite people who helped inspire my love for the arts was the famous painter known as Bob Ross who hosted the Joy of Painting show from 1983 to 1994 on PBS. Man I loved that show and still watch it a good bit thanks to many streaming services as well as Youtube and it never gets old. You can make the argument that his show really helped you relax and make it seem like your troubles never existed and you could finally be at peace. Though I am no expert when it comes to painting, or as good as Ross was. But if it weren't him, I often wonder if I'd ever fall in love with art whether it be painting, drawing, writing, music, etc. Ross just made art seem so simple and beautiful, it kind of was like the world wasn't such a dark place or that art could be used as a weapon of light to get through the darkness. I always enjoyed how he smacked his brush around and just chuckled and said, just beat the devil out of it lol. Or another one was everybody could use a friend or...

 Recently I had myself quite an experience and it kind of made me feel like it was something that needs to be discussed. You see, I had this dream, vision, whatever you like to call it about seeing blue butterflies flying all around me. It felt so peaceful and it really brighten my spirits. I went online to see what possible meanings were about them and some have different opinions, but one thing that really connected with me was the fact that it talked about positive changes coming into my life. Another reason why I am writing about this is because this is not the first time things like this have happened to me in my life. And also there are some people out there that probably think I am out of my mind but I truly believe that God is there for me and watching over me. Another cool moment came during a very dark point in my life. It was a couple months after my Nan had passed away and to say I was crushed would be an understatement. With my Nan gone, I really wanted to end it all b...

 I can't believe it has been 15 years since me and Chad have graduated from Lewistown Area High School back in 2009. High school was a very interesting time for not just myself, but for many of us who had attended, mainly because usually times at high school is the time of getting to know ones self and discover who they are and what there place is in this world. Being a teenage to becoming a young adult can be very challenging to a lot of people during this time in life. Especially with dealing with all sorts of different emotions that we didn't understand before. Sadly, there are also a lot of young people who struggled to figure things out during their time in high school and I was certainly one of those people.  I mention this because recently I found and looked back through my yearbook when I graduated from Lewistown and it was pretty cool to see some old faces especially now that I am older and learned so much about myself. The only problem about this is I wish I knew wha...

 For and for most, I hope and pray that every single one of you out there and a safe and blessed Christmas this year. I certainly enjoyed being around my family. But now, we all must turn towards the future because 2023 will soon be coming to an end. And what an interesting year it has been. I can only speak for myself and how my 2023 has been and if I am perfectly honest with all of you. It was an emotional roller coaster for me. It went from being stressed and overworked, to trying to find my inner peace and create something special with my writing. And if there has been one thing I have loved about myself during the year of 2023, was how much I was abusing myself and also how I started to stand up to myself and became more open and honest about how I felt things were going with everything around me. I have learned so much these last few months about myself that it kind of brought a tear to my eye because there have been so much running through my mind that I had kept inside and ...

 You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen and Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen. But you recall the most famous reindeer of all? Ah yes! Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, this was one of my favorite Christmas stories ever! And since we are getting ever so closer to Christmas, I figured it would be appropriate to talk about this amazing story. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer was created by Robert L. May and it made its debut on the bookshelves back in 1939. The story goes as Rudolph was born with a glowing red nose which in turn leads him to being mocked and teased by his fellow reindeer. But what at first was thought to be a weakness, turned out to be his greatest strength as a huge winter storm covered the world which kept Santa from delivering toys for Christmas. That was until they used Rudolph's glowing red nose to light the way for Santa and his sleigh. This story is so amazing and it is also the kind of story that is still relevant to this very day. The reason why I...

 I wanted to express a concern of mine, not just about myself, but for all of us. You see, to me Christmas is about celebrating Jesus and bringing good will to each other and I still believe in those values. But I would be lying if I said things haven't been a little rough for me lately these last few days. However, it is not just with my own stuff mentally, physically and spiritually. But with what I am seeing in the world around me and my concern that things aren't getting any better. Now some of you may think I am talking crazy or over thinking things and maybe I am. But nobody can deny that there is something off in the world right now. My main concern is that society is falling apart and worst off no one seems interested in helping. People would always tell me that it is a different time or things change, you just have to change with it. However, the only problem I have with that is those same people who tell me these things are the exact same people who run around like a ...

 Well with it getting after so closer to Christmas time, I figure I would discuss one of my favorite Christmas stories of all time. And that is one about a mean old green creature called the Grinch! How the Grinch Stole Christmas was created by the late great Dr. Seuss back in 1957 and it was about how the Grinch was sick and tired about having to listen to the Whos, who were celebrating Christmas and decided to dress up as Santa Claus and steal all of their stuff only to ultimately discover the true meaning of Christmas and save the day. I loved this story a lot because even in 2023, this story is still so reliable. Everybody has their moments where they get annoyed with Christmas. Interesting fact, that was one of the reasons behind why Dr. Seuss wrote the book in the first place. You see, at the time, Dr. Seuss's wife was going through some health problems. He was also not thrilled about the commercialization of Christmas which made him feel "very grinchish". Another f...

 Hey guys, I was wondering something these last couple of days and I'm not really sure what to think to be perfectly honest. Is it really okay not to be okay? I mean I feel like there are times that I am really happy and feeling positive, then randomly I just become really depressed and just want to close the door on the world. What kind of scares me about it is just the randomness of it. I mean I thought I knew what triggers them and do my best to avoid them but for some reason I still get feel down on myself.  It kind of makes me wonder if I actually know what triggers me. I've prayed about it, but I'm still not sure what to think anymore. Am I over thinking it a little bit? Or Am I just going crazy? Because it has been getting to me mentally especially when I go from being happy and calm to just flat out depressed and just not want to be around people. What sucks even more about it was I thought I was doing good. But now I am not so sure or maybe this is all apart of God...

 One of my personal favorite movies to watch growing up as a kid was watching Dorothy, Toto, Scarecrow, Tin Man and The Cowardly Lion following that yellow brick road to see the Wizard Of Oz.  The film was released all the way back in 1939. 😮 My Nan and Pap were just little kids when this movie came out! In fact, by the time the movie had came out, the story was already 39 years old as it was written by L. Frank Baum back in 1900. Also, a musical was created in 1902 and another interesting fact I learned about the Wizard of Oz was that the book was a 14 book series of the Land of Oz. The story goes as a young farm girl named Dorothy who lives with her Aunt Em, Uncle Henry and her dog Toto in Kansas. That was until she and Toto were taken away by a cyclone and ended up in the Land of Oz and was not able to return home until she had rid Oz of the Wicked Witch of the West. What I love about this movie and never really get tired of hearing was the singing. I'm not into many music...

 As we all get ready for some winter sports this coming season, I quickly realized something. This coming girls basketball of 23-24 will mark 20 years since the 04 Lady Panthers made it all the way to the State Finals. Now I obviously was not in High School yet when this was happening, I was still in Strodes Mills. But what I remember about this squad was the simple that my big brother Cody was finishing up his High School career and it was he who was creating videos throughout the season for the Lady Panthers. This is important because looking back on it, it showed how much Cody loved making these cool sports videos which later became his career in life. So I thought I go back down memory lane a bit. I was in the seventh grade during this magical time and I enjoyed every single of it.  There were seven seniors on the team that season which included the likes of Andrea Kauffman, Alicia Espigh, Nikki Hartsock, Kellyn Knable, Alicia Rupert, Jessica Reed and Katy Kodish. There ar...

 Today is a sad day for me and my family because 13 years ago on Nov. 15 2010, I lost one of the most important people in my life. And that was my Nan. What made my Nan so special to me was her unconditional love and kindness. Heck! I couldn't say no to the woman lol. Every time me and my twin brother Chad would go down to her house to see her and mow her lawn, Nan would always asked us if we wanted her to make some shells and cheese and of course we both said no. But as soon as we finished up, we would just simply walk into her house and there she be making shells and cheese in the kitchen telling us that it was almost ready. I miss those times. Another reason I loved her was how I try to live my life like hers. Now I wasn't born and raised during the great depression like she and my Pap did. Through a lot of her hardships, she still choose to be loving  and I will always admire that about her. In fact, I often wonder how I would have turned out in my life if I didn't have...

 This is the time of the year where we all come together and give thanks to all of the things that we have and pray for the ones who are less fortunate than us. For this we pray to the Holy name of Jesus. I am grateful for times in my life even when I am down and I do not see, smell or sense the love. But I know that all I have to do is pray to the Holy King who sits on his throne from above. During the times of my youth, I often wondered if my parents ever cared and if it was time for me to flee. Now that I am older and grown spiritually I realized how much inside they truly love me. I am grateful to be able to have my own bed, my own room. It is a sweet reminder that it is not always so gloom and doom. I am never be able to find true love in this world, my dreams of having a wife and child have become nothing more than a fluke. But I am grateful for having a little nephew and his name is Luke. As frustrating as it may seem not knowing or understanding God's Plan. I just try to re...

 This weekend is a very special weekend because we are honoring the men and women of the United States military. And that day is called Veterans Day. Veterans Day is when we honor all of those who have served our country overseas threw many different wars throughout history. This day is special to me because one of my biggest influences on my life was my Pap who served during the Korean War. Another reason why it is so special in my humble opinion, is that it reminds us all that there are people out there who are willing to make the ultimate sacrifice just so we all can try and live a simple life. I can't even imagine what any member of the military goes through on a daily basis because they are all walking out into a scary situation that they may or may not come back from. My heart goes out to anyone who has loved ones who are currently serving as well.  However, there is something I wanted to talk about a little bit. It saddens me greatly that there are plenty of our veteran...

 After mentioning it a few times on my other posts, I guess, it is time to be more open about living with Cerebral Palsy as well as Scoliosis. When I was researching to prepare about this blog I learned a lot more about these two things and how they are connected. For starters, what is Cerebral Palsy?  Cerebral Palsy is a group of disorders that affect a person's ability to move and maintain balance and posture. Cerebral means having to do with the brain while Palsy means weakness or problems with using the muscles. Some of the symptoms of having Cerebral Palsy include, weak arms or legs, clumsy movements, random uncontrollable movements, muscle spasms and tremors or shaking hands. Scoliosis is an abnormal curve to the spine which usually in the shape of an S or a C. What I have learned during these recent searches, I discovered that these two issues go hand and hand during when the mother is pregnant or during delivery. It is also common when it happens to involve being pregn...

Here is one of these come to Jesus moments in my life. One of the things that I have been dealing with but yet to really confront is my relationship with my parents. It has been mentioned several times in my blogs that myself and my twin brother Chad were born with Cerebral Palsy and Scoliosis. Unfortunately, the issues that we face everyday has caused a lot of issues and frustrations between us and our parents. I love my parents, I really do and I know they love us. But at the same time, we are not as close as I wish we could be. For a long time, Chad and I struggled with a lot of things and we weren't exactly sure why we were and we both have been dealing with a lot of depression. By the time we are getting ready to leave high school was when we really discovered a lot of things and since then we have been trying to figure out a lot about ourselves and try to adjust to an ever changing world. To be honest, these changes have been happening really fast, maybe too fast for us. And ...

 With it being the Halloween season and everything that is happening this month is all about horror movies and stories, I thought it be cool to talk about one of my personal favorite themes in gothic storytelling is the creatures of the night, Vampires. Vampires has always been an interesting concept to me when it comes to goth literature for most of my life. There have been so many different variations as to how the term of vampires came to be. Heck! There were plenty of different stories and tales about vampires that were before what I originally thought to be honest with you guys. I thought the lore of the vampire was started back during Medieval times in Europe. But during my research, I've discovered that stories of such creatures were told in days long before that and also were considered to be used as another name for demons. For an example, Lilith has been named a demon that drinks blood and even in religions like Hinduism and Greek-Roman. In fact, there have been legends o...

 Who doesn't love a good scary movie? And what better time of the year to do so than whole month of October for the Halloween season! Now most of the people I know pretty much turn their heads and laugh or always ask me how can you watch this stuff? The answer is very simple, I love the mysticism of them, the lore, the wonder what could be out there in the night. It is a very scary thought, don't get me wrong.  Another reason is my own curiosity of the unknown, there is so much stuff out there in this world that we do not know nor understand. Let alone in the entire Universe. In my humble opinion, some of the best storytelling in any form of literature have come from the horror/gothic genre. I say this because these stories showcase what we humans are capable of doing to one another as well as to ourselves when it comes to having great power.  And I also believe in the Supernatural and that there is somethings happening all around us and we just don't see with our own eye...

 With it being the Halloween season coming ever so closer to us. We are all probably getting our pumpkins and getting ready to carve some faces on them. But has anyone ever heard of the folk tales of how the carving of the pumpkins came to be? Well there are a few different versions of the tale and it is also similar to the story of Will-o-the-wisp. One story is from Ireland back in the 18th century where Stingy Jack a lazy but shrewd blacksmith tricked the Devil into climbing an apple tree and once up there, Jack placed  or carved a cross on the trunk of the tree so the Devil could not get down. Another one was that Jack was being chased by people whom he had robbed. Jack runs into the Devil who tells him that it is time for him to die. However, Jack managed to convince the Devil to turn into a coin to be used against the Christian villagers. As the Devil went inside his wallet, there was also a cross inside of the wallet and it trapped the Devil inside. Both stories also tal...

 One of my personal favorite holidays I always enjoy throughout my life has been the spookiest time of the year, Halloween. To be honest with all of you, I can say that I enjoy the whole month of October lol. Throughout this entire month is nothing but horror movies like Friday the 13th, Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street and of course the classics like Dracula, Frankenstein, The Wolfman, Hocus Pocus, Casper, etc. Another fun activity that we all get to do around this entire month is heading out and finding some costumes to wear for treat or treating whether it be for yourself or getting to take the kids out and getting candy. I know that was my favorite part growing up as kid. But the biggest reason why I love Halloween is the simple fact that it is the one time of the year where I can honestly feel like I can be myself. I never felt "normal" my whole life and never really fit in with anyone and every time October came around I kind of feel like I can be normal for once. If ...

 Well today is Friday the 13th and it means that we are all getting closer to one of my favorite holidays in Halloween. Now most people usually associate Friday the 13th with the horror franchise that has graced our theaters since 1980s as Jason Voorhees brought terror many victims who come across Camp Crystal Lake. Although a great movie series, but it is not the only thing that involves the the legend. In fact several different religions all at some point have beliefs of Friday the 13th. And they all believe that it is bad luck. Such things like Norse tells the story of of 12 gods were having a dinner party in Valhalla when the trickster god Loki appeared uninvited and had Hoor shoot an arrow that killed Balder and the world went dark. Also there have come some stuff in Christianity as well as where the story of The Last Supper and the Crucifixion as there were 13 individuals who were present in the Upper Room the night before Jesus' death. However, there are some cultures like G...

 One of the biggest challenges I have faced throughout my entire life when it comes to mental health is the constant thoughts of always upsetting people and being nothing more than a failure to them no matter how hard you try not to be. These last few days haven't been the best of times to say the least. I get so freaking frustrated when I plan on doing something for someone but stuff happens and I am not happy about because I know it bothers the other person. And yet it happens. I tell myself all the time that I shouldn't be so hard on myself when stuff like this happens. I don't purposely do stuff to upset anybody. I honestly don't want anyone to hate me but when something doesn't go according to plan and things change or doesn't happen, I just get furious with myself. Just the other week I planned on helping a friend and unfortunately I had to tell him at the last minute that I couldn't do it. I felt like crap having to tell him that and I've been kin...

 I am singing in the rain. Its very touch has made me forget of all of the pain. I am so thankful for the days where I don't go insane. God, I wish these feelings would never end. But ultimately it always ends with me alone and without a friend. Laying on the ground letting the rain wash all my worries away. It is reminder that despite the tough times, the sun will come out to reveal a brand new day. Just something about the sound of rain splashing against my windows as I sleep keeps me calm. It feels even better as I'm reading the psalms. The beauty of the rain drops kind of brings me back in time when things around me seem so simple and carefree. Because I feel at times that all of the joy has been sucked out of me. Seeing the rain fall brings me into another world that isn't so cold. I feel I can be strong, courageous and bold. As the rain continues to fall around me, I will always seek to have my happiness increase. For I pray that I will soon found that inner peace.

 As we prepare to do our daily battles with the dark and misery. We remind ourselves to stay humble and do things through love and chivalry. Through the power of prayer we wear our colors proudly for we wear black and blue. It is to remind us of the pain we face will soon past for God's love for me and you is forever true. We mix the white with the black to represents God's protection both day and night. Whether it is with rays of sunshine or by the beautiful moonlight. The colors blue and white symbolizes our search for truth and to continue to fight for what is right. To guide and protect those who seek to find God's Light. With our swords and shields we fight those who were sent to destroy us. But we still pray for their souls in the name of Jesus. For we know that we too are flawed and full of sin. But together we can all find the light from within. Because we all want peace in our lives and pray for hope. Just for us to know that God will always be there for us and giv...

 It was a very fun Friday down at the square in my hometown of Lewistown, PA as it was Goose Day. The square was surrounded by people who were out and about checking out a lot of stuff. There were a couple people out there performing music, a lot of tents set up with numerous things like arts and crafts, food trucks, people had chalk drawings all over the sidewalk which was pretty good to see. It was pretty packed throughout the night when myself along with my twin brother Chad and our friends Presto and Stephon had arrived and it was awesome to see it. We went to hangout with our friends at Moon Dragon which that place was packed like the a lot of the other places and everybody was just having a great time. I wish I wasn't so anxious around people but nonetheless, everyone was having fun. Which was one of the things I was proud of, I loved the fact that there was a ton of people and everybody was having a good time. I wish there were more days like this, but I am grateful for the ...