Relationship With My Parents

Here is one of these come to Jesus moments in my life. One of the things that I have been dealing with but yet to really confront is my relationship with my parents.

It has been mentioned several times in my blogs that myself and my twin brother Chad were born with Cerebral Palsy and Scoliosis.

Unfortunately, the issues that we face everyday has caused a lot of issues and frustrations between us and our parents. I love my parents, I really do and I know they love us. But at the same time, we are not as close as I wish we could be.

For a long time, Chad and I struggled with a lot of things and we weren't exactly sure why we were and we both have been dealing with a lot of depression.

By the time we are getting ready to leave high school was when we really discovered a lot of things and since then we have been trying to figure out a lot about ourselves and try to adjust to an ever changing world.

To be honest, these changes have been happening really fast, maybe too fast for us. And that is where a lot of our frustration has come from. Chad and I been fighting for so long and all we feel like all we are doing is spinning our wheels.

I can't speak for Chad, but I know there have been plenty of times I wondered to myself. How can mom and dad not tell us all these things? I feel so hung out to dry and I am so scared and I don't know what to do.

But, as I have been trying to sit back and figure out things. I remember what my Nan once told me when I was little and question if my parents ever cared about me. She gave me a simple answer, yes. My Nan made me think about things I had with them, like, they were there for me when I was sick. What my Nan was doing was she was making me realize to look at another person perspective. Thank you Nan 💙 Love You, Miss You.

Where I'm getting at is I started to look at things from my parents' eyes. I can't even imagine what was going through their minds when me and Chad were little and they were told about our issues. In fact, doctors never really explained to them what to do and where to go. We were kind of just left to fend for ourselves. Now I understand that a lot of this stuff wasn't really talked about back in my day as to how things are nowadays. 

I especially feel bad for my mother because as I researched about CP and Scoliosis, I discovered that both are connected. In fact, CP is caused due to lack of oxygen to the brain and it usually happens while the mother is pregnant or when giving birth. Because of that, my mother believes that this is all her fault for all of this.

For the record, neither Chad or myself have ever blamed our mother for any of this. I use the simple fact that this is all part of God's Plan for us. What that plan is, I do not know, but I have faith that it will all lead us somewhere and bring better understanding.

My father and I have never been really good at expressing our feelings in general, let alone to each other. Sorry if this seems so sad and I do admit, I am crying a bit as I write this. I love my father, and I know that he loves me too. He just doesn't know how to express it.

I love my mother and father. They have done more for me than probably think. But do know mom and dad that I will always love you. I do wish things could be different, but as I grow older I realize, that this is all part of God's Plan and it will all be revealed to us sooner than we may realize.

And to anyone out there who is reading this. Please know that it may seem that nobody cares for you, but that can't be any further from the truth. The truth is, you are loved! We just don't always realize it. 

Love one another! 

God Bless and Be Safe!