Living with Cerebral Palsy and Scoliosis

 After mentioning it a few times on my other posts, I guess, it is time to be more open about living with Cerebral Palsy as well as Scoliosis.

When I was researching to prepare about this blog I learned a lot more about these two things and how they are connected. For starters, what is Cerebral Palsy? 

Cerebral Palsy is a group of disorders that affect a person's ability to move and maintain balance and posture. Cerebral means having to do with the brain while Palsy means weakness or problems with using the muscles.

Some of the symptoms of having Cerebral Palsy include, weak arms or legs, clumsy movements, random uncontrollable movements, muscle spasms and tremors or shaking hands.

Scoliosis is an abnormal curve to the spine which usually in the shape of an S or a C. What I have learned during these recent searches, I discovered that these two issues go hand and hand during when the mother is pregnant or during delivery. It is also common when it happens to involve being pregnant with twins, which I just so happen to have in my twin brother Chad.

We were very young when it was discovered that Chad and I had these disorders and for an extremely long time now we have been trying our best to live through this life. It has not been easy to say the least.

And it hasn't gotten any easier these last few years as I can feel that my body is in a lot of pain sometimes. I hate looking at my hands because I can see them shake and it makes my anxiety go through the roof.

I remember being a little kid and I would go to school and I would have other kids come up to me and ask me why was I walking like a Penguin? 

To be perfectly honest with all of you, I had no idea how to answer that question. In fact, I didn't even really noticed it until people had mentioned it to me. I didn't really get an answer from my parents either because they didn't really have an answer for me or Chad.

Ever since that day when the doctor told me and Chad that it may not be the best idea for us to drive when we were trying to get our permits, it had really threw us for a loop. And going through all the information that quite frankly I still wasn't quite sure if I understood, I can honestly see why the doctor said that. I mean the anxiety while driving, never knowing what the other drivers will do, the concern of deer randomly jumping out at you at night, the struggles with keeping focus. Yeah! I can see it now.

As we grow older, the more I really start to notice and it has really been getting to me mentally. Physically my body has a tough time doing normal stuff and it is really embarrassing. It is one of the biggest reasons as to why I sometimes have thoughts of why am I still here or what would happen if I wasn't here? 

I use to work for the local Dollar General in town for a long time and I felt the difference from when I started to my very last day working there. Physically my body was hurting more and more and it was getting tougher to lift, push and carry products around.

Cold weather doesn't help either and Chad and myself have a miserable time shoveling snow during the winter. I am 33 years old, I shouldn't be having so much trouble and yet I am and I feel so ashamed at times that I don't even want to get out of my house or even out of my room.

Heck, looking back, I am surprised that I lasted as long as I did helping out with the Pro Wrestling shows which I am forever grateful for those moments.

Writing has really been the only salvation for me and I thank God for that. And as weird as it may sound to someone of you. I truly believe that God has a plan for me and my twin.

I often wonder why things are the way they are for me and Chad and I must confess that I have been pretty depressed and scared lately. I mean, I really do not know what to do in this world and have been very worried about it. I have been dealing with a lot of shame as well as telling myself that I ain't good enough for anybody.

However, I have been doing a lot of writing and getting out my emotions so that is a plus! 🙏🙏🙏

I also want to thank the Lord for all of you! There have been so many times I often wonder if I am a burden to all of you, but so many of you have been so caring and supportive of me I wish there was a way I could repay you all for that.

Despite my struggles, I again truly believe that God has a plan for me and Chad and I will continue to do my very best to with my blogs as well as my other writings. 

And also for anyone who is out there struggling through life, just know that God Loves you and there are people out there who care.

God Bless and Be Safe!