Will I always be a Disappointment?

 One of the biggest challenges I have faced throughout my entire life when it comes to mental health is the constant thoughts of always upsetting people and being nothing more than a failure to them no matter how hard you try not to be.

These last few days haven't been the best of times to say the least. I get so freaking frustrated when I plan on doing something for someone but stuff happens and I am not happy about because I know it bothers the other person. And yet it happens.

I tell myself all the time that I shouldn't be so hard on myself when stuff like this happens. I don't purposely do stuff to upset anybody. I honestly don't want anyone to hate me but when something doesn't go according to plan and things change or doesn't happen, I just get furious with myself.

Just the other week I planned on helping a friend and unfortunately I had to tell him at the last minute that I couldn't do it. I felt like crap having to tell him that and I've been kind of beating myself up ever since.

Honestly, it sucks because I try tell myself that it is going to be alright. Sometimes things just don't go the way you expect and you will do better next time.

But at the same time, I get mad at myself and tell myself that people are counting on me and that I need to better and even go as far as say I need to be perfect.

I'm truly sorry if I am causing a concern for people but I am extremely frustrated angry with myself and it is getting to the point where I am worried that this is never going to end.

I am trying my best, I really am. Maybe I am overthinking things as always and basically blowing stuff out of portion. But I really want to be able to prove to myself that I can do something special with my life and I do not want to take anything for granted.

Yet, I just feel like I am screwing up everything!

Comments

  1. The Chad Yoder Nerd BlogOctober 11, 2023 at 11:13 PM

    Stop beating yourself up my twin you are just overthinking things again and I know its weird coming from me but you are being helpful to a lot of people and sometimes its hard to see but you can not help everyone all the time it just not possible. That does not mean your are failing you are just seeing the ups and downs of life.I love you brother you are never alone.

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