The Joshua Yoder Blog

I race through the beautiful fields filled with pretty blue flowers, guided by the warmth of the sunshine. It is a reminder to me that no matter what happens in life, that God is always there and that everything is going to be just fine. Throughout my journey I witnessed the presence of a beautiful blue butterfly in the sky. It was almost like she was there to say hi. She spoke to me with a voice so sweet and innocent. The kind of voice that just makes you want to smile and makes you feel that no matter what that you are relevant. Smile dear child she says to me as she sits upon my shoulder. She reminds me to keep moving forward no matter what happens in life as I grow older. But she understands and tells me that it is okay to be scared because the world can be scary. Yet she loves us like she was my mother and her name was Mary. The smell of the flowers always seem to bring a smile on my face. God only knows how much I never won't to leave this wonderful place. Alas, it is time fo

 A common phrase that we all have heard is that how can we love somebody else if we can't love ourselves? However, I have a question, how does one do that? I only ask because I really do not know how to love myself. I've been dealing with depression for so long that I am not even sure of what kind of a world I live in. To be honest, I really didn't understand the world when I was younger, but as I grow older, I have been kind of scared of what not knowing what to do especially with all of the changes in the world nowadays. Of course I didn't really help myself with all the years of self-abuse either. I never really thought I was ever good enough for anybody and never would be no matter hard much I tried. So how can one let go of so much pain and misery. Don't get me wrong, I do admit that I have been in a much better head space than I really ever had in my life, Thank You God! I guess this is just a concern of mine as I continue to face things head on. But I'd b

Does this sound familiar to anyone? The thought of I wonder what it be like if I wasn't around anymore? Would people just be better off without me around to ruin the fun? These are just a few common thoughts that many people who had dealt with or currently dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts. I do not wish these kinds of thoughts on anybody, not even my worse enemy. The very thought of ending ones life can not only be painful to the person who wants to commit it, but it is also painful to the people who love them. It is a scary thought indeed, but people including myself have fallen to these kinds of thoughts and they are not easy thoughts to get rid of.  The first time that I had ever even thought about taking my own life was when I first went to high school. Sadly I must admit that high school was probably the worst years of my life. From just not simply fitting in with anyone, struggles with classes and realizing that there were some things about me that was very wrong

 Today, my twin brother Chad and I celebrate our 33rd birthday. That is right! We turn the big 33 today. On July 15, 1990, we were brought into this world and I would like to apologize for that 😆! But all kidding aside, there has been a lot of self-reflection going on in my life recently and reaching the age of 33 has made me want to look back and see how far I have come in life and more importantly, be grateful for every single thing that I have experience in the past, present and future. The journey so far has been a difficult one to say the least. As I look back into the past and growing up not fully realizing the issues that me and twin were dealing with was most certainly frustrating. We never really got to know how to handle dealing with cerebral palsy and scoliosis and even to this very day it has been a problem. I may have experienced a lot of heartache in my life, but looking back on it now, I can honestly say it is a blessing to get past those experiences. I thank God everyd

 With every second, minute, hour of each and everyday I search for truth and peace within. I go far and wide in search for answers to so many questions that I don't even know where to begin. Through all the different trials of life that I have faced in the past, present and future. I always have felt a presence that has made me feel so safe and secure. It keeps me going and has me excited to see what else that God has in store. For all the times that I felt sad, depressed, angry and wanting to end it all. It feels like something beautiful and angelic appears and gives me strength to stand tall. God only knows how much that I wish these feelings would never away. To just keep these miserable and depressing thoughts at bay. But one must learn that there are good days and bad days that we all must face. But no matter what happens in this world, we can always close our eyes and God shows us our happy place. I'm scared, yet excited to see what the world has in store for me. And no m

 Ever wonder where you actually fit in this world? Like no matter how hard you try, you just never seem truly happy? Living in a world where nothing makes sense anymore. Anytime you feel like you made some progress, you only end up falling flat on your face. Truth is, I never really found that in my own life and I am not alone in it that search. Many of us have either struggled or ever had the opportunity to really found out who they are and what they are meant to do in this world. For multiple reasons this happens. But I truly believe there is something out there for everyone even if we don't see it. I mean we all crave to be a part of something bigger than ourselves and wonder what all is out there. That is why I always try my best in no only what I want to do with my life, but also to encourage others who are going through the same thing. I don't like seeing people suffer and unfortunately there are a lot of people going through that. The question I always seem to wonder abo

 One of the things I have discovered recently in my spiritual journey was when I was called a Truth Seeker by one of the pastors at my church I go to. And to be perfectly honestly, I am proud to be called that. For the record, I believe in Jesus and everything he has done for me, in past, present and future and I am forever grateful for that 🙏🙏🙏. But at the same time, I have always felt we has humans have always limited ourselves with things and just assumed that we already have a good beat on things. Yet, I always felt that there was more to it than that. For example, me along with my twin brother Chad were born with Scoliosis and Cerebral Palsy and it has effected us greatly in a lot of areas in our lives. And I always wanted why was I born this way? Why must I have to deal with this? What is the plan? Don't get me wrong, I truly do believe that this is all part of a bigger plan from God. I am just simply trying to understand it. My mother always told me not to question God