Suicide

Does this sound familiar to anyone? The thought of I wonder what it be like if I wasn't around anymore? Would people just be better off without me around to ruin the fun?

These are just a few common thoughts that many people who had dealt with or currently dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts.

I do not wish these kinds of thoughts on anybody, not even my worse enemy. The very thought of ending ones life can not only be painful to the person who wants to commit it, but it is also painful to the people who love them.

It is a scary thought indeed, but people including myself have fallen to these kinds of thoughts and they are not easy thoughts to get rid of. 

The first time that I had ever even thought about taking my own life was when I first went to high school. Sadly I must admit that high school was probably the worst years of my life. From just not simply fitting in with anyone, struggles with classes and realizing that there were some things about me that was very wrong. Looking back on it now, I clearly was not ready mentally, physically and emotionally for high school.

After high school, it wasn't any easier for me. A year after I had graduated, I lost my Nan who was the closer person I had in my life. I didn't know what to do, I struggled with work, I felt like a complete failure to my parents, really my whole family and even God.

Even worse, when I tried to explain my situation to people, I just felt awkward and I felt that I made the problem much worse than it was. I was embarrassed and just wanted to crawl into a hole and DIE!!! 

I've felt so lonely! Like I could be in a crowded elevator and just simply blow them all away like they were nothing more than dust. Were they even there in the first place?

I also stayed away from people a lot of times because I didn't want to be a bother to them. Like they were just better off without me. Anytime I tried to open up to someone it just comes out weird and I just ended up running away from them.

To this very day, I still struggling with these thoughts. But I am also here to say to others who are struggling as well that it is simply not worth it! As much as it hurts inside, hurting ourselves will never take the pain away, all it does is just add on to it.

As I grow older, I thank God everyday for helping me through this even though I don't feel like I am good enough for it. But I also don't like seeing other people get hurt or hurt themselves like I do. 

One of my favorite stories I was so proud of writing was about a young lady named Reagan Shafranich who was using her Senior Project to help with suicide prevention. It made me so proud to see someone who goes through similar problems and uses those gifts to help others. I was so proud of Reagan with the money she raised for her cause. God Bless you!

And that is what I am trying to say to anyone out there who is struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts. Please reach out to someone because you are loved whether you realize it or not because your not only hurting yourself but the people around you as well.

I know it hurts believe me! There are plenty of days where I have wanted to just fall asleep and never wake up! But please, I can not stress this enough, it is not worth it!

For those who know of someone who is having a tough time and maybe having thoughts of suicide, let that person know that they are loved. 

I encourage people to know what triggers their thoughts. Just because you know a couple people who are depressed doesn't mean they have the same triggers. 

For anyone who needs a place to talk about how they feel please contact any suicidal crisis hotlines out there. Prayer is also a useful tool as well because God loves us all!

Just know that you are not alone and that you are loved! We all just have to take things just one day at a time.

God Bless and Be Safe!