A time of self-reflection

 Today, my twin brother Chad and I celebrate our 33rd birthday. That is right! We turn the big 33 today. On July 15, 1990, we were brought into this world and I would like to apologize for that 😆!

But all kidding aside, there has been a lot of self-reflection going on in my life recently and reaching the age of 33 has made me want to look back and see how far I have come in life and more importantly, be grateful for every single thing that I have experience in the past, present and future.

The journey so far has been a difficult one to say the least. As I look back into the past and growing up not fully realizing the issues that me and twin were dealing with was most certainly frustrating. We never really got to know how to handle dealing with cerebral palsy and scoliosis and even to this very day it has been a problem.

I may have experienced a lot of heartache in my life, but looking back on it now, I can honestly say it is a blessing to get past those experiences.

I thank God everyday for a lot of the good that has also graced me with its presence. For an example, I got to have my Nan in my life, and to be fair, I often wonder how I would be today if I hadn't had her in my life. I wonder if I would even think and feel the way I do about things today.

I also have met some incredible, loving and caring people in my life. Unfortunately, I have also met some bad ones too and looking back on things and knowing what I know now, I definitely had been taking advantage of. And yet, it only just makes me love the people who have shown me so much compassion even more.

And I don't wish anything bad on any of those people who have brought me harm in my life. Because honestly, there is enough hatred in the world right now as it is and I don't want to be a part of that chaos.

Of course a lot of the issues I would have like to realize much sooner than I have recently. Like, I wish I knew back in high school how much writing has saved my life on multiple occasions. I wish I had a much better understanding about my defects and realize how bad my health got mentally and that I wish I wasn't so sheltered and quite frankly socially awkward. 

But to tell the truth, maybe I just wasn't ready to understand these things yet. Heck, you could make the case that I was afraid to even face them.

But ultimately, I believe that this is all just part of God's plan for me. If there was one thing I have learned over these 33 years of existence is to have faith. I can't tell you how many times that I have felt like God was watching over me no matter how many times I felt down and to be perfectly honest, wanting to end it all.

Yet time after time, something angelic was there to help me and guide me through all the dark moments in my life. I still wonder what I am meant to do in this world, but I am confident that it will be known someday and I thank God for that!

Honestly, these last few months in my life have been the most clear and at peace I have been. Even when I get really depressed again, I still have a calmness within me and I am able to get through it. My mind feels more at ease as well and a lot of these feelings to be honest, I am not use to having. Don't get me wrong, I am glad to have them. 😁

But also in this blog I wanted to say thank you to every single one of you. I thank God every single day to have met you in my life, even if it was only for a minute, I appreciate every bit of it. And I will continue to pray for all of you as well for we are God's children and we are all going through something in life that we could use a helping hand.

I do not know what the world has in store for me in the coming future. But just know, that I love every single one of you from the bottom of my heart. And I am forever grateful for everything you have all done for me.

God Bless and Be Safe!🙏🙏🙏