Phantom of The Opera (I Am A Monster)

 Some of you maybe surprised by this, but I do enjoy some opera here and there. One of those musicals/ stories I really love is the Phantom of The Opera.

The Phantom of The Opera was created back in in the late 1900s. It was written by french writer Gaston Leroux. It is a romance, horror, mystery, gothic fiction kind of story.

The plot starts off at the Palais Garnier Opera House which is a real Opera House in France is haunted by the "Phantom of the Opera" after a stagehand was left hanging.

Later in the story, Christine Daae is called upon to sing after another singer was ill. Her performance was a huge success which catches the eye of the Phantom.

He later abducts her in her dressing room and plans to hold her in his secret lair. Originally he plans on keeping Christine there for a few days. But she unmasks him revealing his deformed face as well as his name which is Erik.

Erik agrees to let her go free on a promise that he would marry her. As Christine is let go she runs into her lover Raoul and tells him about her kidnapping and together plan to escape which Erik hears and kidnaps her again. But thanks to "the Persian" Raoul tracks them down where Erik captures him and threatens to kill him if Christine doesn't marry him. She agrees which in turn the Phantom releases both Raoul and the Persian from his torture chamber.

Then finally when they are alone Erik takes off his mask and kisses Christine's forehead. Then Christine kisses him back. Erik reveals how he never kissed anyone including his own mother who would run away from him when he tried. Moved, the two embraced and cry together with Christine "Poor, unhappy Erik".

He allows them all to leave his lair if only for Christine to return with the ring he gave her. Which she does before leaving with Raoul, never to return.

God does this story ever hit home with me. Not to sound like a creep. But this story is relatable to me because for many years, I hid into the shadows when it comes to women. To be frank, I am terrible when it comes to women. Throughout my life I have had a tough time really expressing myself and how I feel.

Like Erik I found peace through art, writing and music. I felt as though I could do no wrong. In fact, I even noticed a change in me. I started writing my feelings down in short stories, poems, etc and I began writing things down that I never thought I would say.

I got to give credit to a special someone who will remain nameless because I don't want to cause any issues. But like when the Phantom first saw Christine, I once met a beautiful young woman back in my days of high school. She was such a beautiful soul, in fact to this day she still is that beautiful soul. Just something about her made me feel and think things I thought were impossible for someone like me.

When it came to my writing, I realized how much I really loved being romantic. If it wasn't for her I am never knew how to even love and I thank her and God for that to this very day. There were some many things I wish I could have said to her, but ultimately I knew that it was never meant to be as much as I wish it could have. But no matter what, she will always be special to me and I pray for nothing but the best for her.

Looking back at some of my old writing especially after I was cheated on by my ex, I started becoming more and more gothic in my style, I was more aggressive, more passionate in what I was writing. Even during my darkest days, I found comfort in the love of a woman.

You see, I have always felt like I was the Phantom of the Opera, because with my issues I always knew that someone like me could never find true love. As much as I would love to be able to be the way I write about with women. I know it will probably never happen. 

I am not looking for pity, I am merely stated how I feel. I pray that I am wrong, but deep down I know, that as much as I try to be that man who can satisfy a woman, there is a difference between fantasy and reality. And the reality of it is, I am not sure if I could ever be able to. All I can do is put it in God's hands, if it is going to happen, it will happen.

Which has caused some issues for me, because as much as I love to write about love, adventure, sex and romance. I have been struggling is the simple fact that I get into my own head. I think to myself, why do I write this stuff? It ain't like its actually going to happen the way I envision it. Or can I even do the things I would love to do?

But just something about this story, has kept me going when it comes to the beautiful of true love despite the dark undertone of the story.

I really want to display some of my writing on here. But I would be lying if I said that fear of creating out people, women especially. One thing I have learned about myself is that I am a very affectionate person and I really need to start opening up more and be true to myself.

I also highly recommend reading, watching the Phantom of the Opera whether be the book, the silent film that came out in 1925 or even the 1986 musical classic that many people remember the story the most.

Phew! I didn't honestly realize how much I needed to get this off my chest. Maybe I really am growing spiritually. If this was a year or two ago, I am never had mentioned any of this. Or maybe it is God's way of telling me to get back into writing this stuff and how I truly feel.

Until next time, God Bless and Be Safe everybody!