Self Abuse

 Have any of you ever heard of the phase, you are too hard on yourself? It has become a very common one for me in my life.

As I have mentioned before, I struggle with mental health issues like depression and anxiety. I bring this up because I feel that it is time to face the music and face my past. The struggles of self abuse.

Most people who harm themselves are usually physical and that you can even see the scars on their bodies. My scars can't be shown though. If fact, I don't ever really look down at my hands or even look down in my arms because I see nothing but scars all around me. I've had doctors explain to me that they are not really there and I do believe them, yet I still see them.

Now, God knows that I am far from perfect, nobody is, but I go everyday trying to be the best I can be. The only problem is I never think of it as ever being good enough really for anybody. Whether it be my family, friends and even God.

It has been a long road to say the least. But I will say, I am starting to notice these things more often now than I did in the past. I was looking back in some of my old writing and I started to realize somethings about myself. Things seem a bit more clearer so to speak.

And now I have been trying to face those demons and really look to find myself, but more importantly, accept and love myself. It has been a difficult journey in large part of due to living a sheltered life and being in my early 30s doesn't help as it makes me feel like it is too late for me.

Of course with that being said, I still have that fear of not being good enough as I continue to walk this journey that we all call life. But I am slowly starting to notice those thoughts and triggers in my mind. Honestly, it feels amazing because I never noticed stuff like this before.

I always question things and wondered why I am the way I am. But to be honest, I feel like it has helped me in ways I never thought possible and I thank God for that.

I am writing this because I hope and pray that this could come out and help others who are struggling like myself that it is ok to open up to other people and that you don't have to go at this alone.

I pray that anyone who is struggling with this like I am can find hope and inner peace. Lord knows not of us are perfect, but that doesn't mean we should hurt ourselves. It won't be easy, nothing ever is, but I again hope and pray that we can all find something out there to make us happy and find that inner peace and except things for how that are and trust that this is all part of grander plan that we all have yet to discover.

God Bless and Be Safe!