Faith and the constant struggle from within

 I have to be completely honest with all of you about something. I truly believe that the only reason I am still here is through the grace of God. But there are a lot of days I wonder why.

Like seriously, what could someone like me do for anyone? It has been one of the many questions I have prayed to God every single day and night.

With that being said, I know that God is there. I've had too many divine signs and angelic presence that I am convinced of this.

One example, when I lost my Nan many years ago, I was completely wrecked. I didn't even know what to think anymore. One day I just wanted it to be over, but suddenly I went to grab a phone number of a pastor I use to talk but hadn't in a while due to working.

Here is the crazy part about this, I honestly felt that someone was telling me to go and call him that day. 

If there is one thing I have learned in all these years, is that sometimes it is just best to sit back and pray and be patient. Which hasn't always been easy to say the least. But again, I have had some many divine signs that somehow keeps me going and I thank God for that.

Whether it be reading the bible, praying, meditating, colors and or angel numbers. Something clicks inside of me and it has carried me through a lot as I continue on my spiritual journey.

Again however, there are still things I question and pray about and wonder why I am the way I am on somethings. 

Like I love to write fiction, like romance, gothic, steampunk, etc. Sometimes I can be very detailed and emotional about what I write and does my me feel amazing, but I get scared sometimes if I being a weirdo. Yet, I pray about it the feelings are still there, to honest, I feel something that God has his angels watching over me and guiding me.

Because every time that I feel like I did something wrong, I feel some comfort over me, like a calming presence surrounding me, encouraging me to keep going. That I will always make mistakes, but it is still telling to keep going and have faith.

Which is weird to me sometimes due to my anxiety issues, yet I can feel so calm about things which is something that I am not use to feeling especially these days as of last. Don't get me wrong, I am forever grateful for that feeling. 🙏 

There are still some things I am questioning and wondering why things are the way they are in my life as I try to find myself and more importantly, start to accept and learn to love myself.

I hope and pray that I am finding a way closer to God. But I also pray for anyone else who is out there struggling with whatever they are going through. Just know that there is always hope, even if you don't see it. Know that there is always angels there watching over you.

Hope and Pray for all of us. God Bless and Be Safe!