Depression: My constant struggle

One of the common themes that you guys will see in some of my writing is a lot of dark and gothic tales about good vs evil, right vs wrong. More importantly that constant struggle within.

You see, the main reason why I seem to write a lot about these kinds of stories is my continuous battle with anxiety and depression.

It has been an issue since I was a little kid and I sadly admit that the thought of suicide has crossed my mind on numerous occasions. Though on a positive note, I have not had one of those thoughts for quite a while now which I am very thankful for.

I also must admit, that I am very scared to be even writing this for all of you to see. To be perfectly honest, I'm scared to even be around people. My anxiety goes through the roof just by seeing someone look at me makes me turn my head away.

A lot of it comes from my issues with Cerebral Palsy and Scoliosis. A fact that I didn't really realize until me and my twin brother Chad were at our doctor's appointment prior to us trying to get our driver's licenses. I will never forget when the doctor looked right at me, chad and my mother and told us that they felt it may not be a good idea of me and Chad driving.

It was really the first time in my life that I looked at my mother like I was saying, what are you not telling us Mom. For years, I have tried to find a way to deal with these issues and try to live a "normal life". Needless to say, it has effected my confidence.

Even when I manage to open up to other people, I quickly regret it cause in my head I'm thinking to myself that these people probably think I'm just some crazy person. 

Don't get me wrong, I love everyone, I got no issues with anyone is just how I am. I feel bad about it everyday when I am awake and every night when I try and sleep.

I know this isn't really much of a story to tell, truthfully I'm surprised I wrote as much as I did. Sorry if I weird anyone out. And I am sorry I haven't be able to write much story wise and I hope you guys are enjoying my other blogs.

I don't wish depression on anybody and my thoughts and prayers to anyone who is going through the same stuff I am going through.

Stay safe out there everybody.

Comments

  1. LarrySchardtMay 29, 2023 at 4:56 AM

    Thank you for opening up and sharing! Blessings my friend. Wellness wishes and prayers. Peace, Love, and Rock 'n' Roll!!!

    ReplyDelete

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